Connecting with Your Inner Child - By Alex Feller

cONNECTING WITH YOUR INNER CHIld

How I learned to be ridiculous

By Alex Feller, Student Worker with The WELL

“I don’t know how to play,” I told the group of twenty-two other students staring back at me. We had been given an exercise from the facilitator to journal about beliefs we held about ourselves that kept us from accessing joy. For thirty minutes we had all furiously scribbled in silence and then at the sign of a bell we were asked to each circle one passage that stood out to us and share it with the group. Other student’s answers had ranged anywhere from “I’m not good enough” to “The large mole on my left buttock,” but as I scanned my page the overwhelming sense I had received was that somewhere along my journey to adulthood I had lost the very essence of joy: child-like play. Growing up, I had always been the child other adults called mature or overly responsible. They said it with tones of appreciation and admiration so naturally I had begun to equate control and seriousness as positive attributes, whereas my wild and creative side never seemed to receive the same approval.

Once this connection had been established in my mind as a child it only flourished as I grew and was given more responsibility. It took until I was 18, sitting in that circle with other students seeking a change within themselves, for me to realize the magnitude of what I had been depriving myself. Naturally this left me in quite a conundrum as I in fact actually did NOT know how to play. The facilitator of the group pulled me aside afterwards and asked if she could give me a piece of advice to tap back into my inner-child. I’d be lying if I said I remembered exactly what it was, but it ranged along the lines of, “Let yourself become excited to explore and wonder at the world around you. To connect with your inner-child, you have to let her play with her surroundings.” It’s been almost three years since I received that advice and since then I’ve tried to let it permeate every aspect of my life.

Artist’s Way Project I have recently been reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron with a group of women. We spend time each week going over the chapter and tasks independently and then share what we have created or learned with each other at the end of the week (over Zoom of course). One of the tasks for this week stuck out to me as an excellent way for someone struggling to tap back into playing to begin seeking out their inner-child. The task asks the reader to choose imaginary lives. Cameron writes:
“Imaginary Lives: If you had five other lives to lead what would you do in each of them? I would be a pilot, a cowhand, a physicist, a psychic, a monk. You might be a scuba diver, a cop, a writer of children’s books, a football player, a belly dancer, a painter, a performance artist, a history teacher, a healer, a coach, a scientist, a doctor, [...] a rock-and-roll drummer. Whatever occurs to you, jot it down. Do not overthink this exercise.
The point of these lives is to have fun in them - more fun than you might be having in this one. Look over your list and select one. Then do it this week. For instance, if you put down country singer, can you pick a guitar? If you dream of being a cowhand, what about some horseback riding?”
In the next week give this exercise a try and see what passions emerge.
Spend time with kids
For those of you currently in quarantine with children, spend time watching how they interact with the world. Their excitement and creativity even in the mundane. If you feel the call, try to embody that same energy even for just an hour with those kids. Help build a fort or come up with a creative story and declare it for all to hear.
Look up or down
One of the greatest gifts I ever gave myself was the time to just marvel at the world surrounding me. Before my attempts to play I realized I spent a great deal of time looking at the sidewalk or people around me as I walked. I never took time to stare at the sky, the birds or the beautiful trees surrounding me. Spend some time this week in nature noticing what is above your usual sight-line or perhaps looking deeper into what is beneath you. Get close to the dirt, dig around in it, marvel at the bugs or cool stones you’ll find.
Dance
Dance with the joy of a two year old who has been given maracas. Just SHAKE IT!
Give yourself permission to be creative
A great detriment to our overall creativity is the voice inside our heads that acts as a sensor. For me, this sensor would always rear its ugly head when I would write or try to paint. It would tell me that my work was flawed or that I’m too old to just be playing around with these forms of art and that I should have more talent. Instead of listening to the sensor, next time you embark on a creative adventure just let your imagination take the reigns. Make art, in any format, with the intention of just having fun. No one ever has to see it. Give yourself the permission to create without judgment.